Because of its history of being one of the first colonies established in the US, along with its Puritan heritage, Massachusetts is known for having a laundry list of insane laws, such as making illegal acts like gargling in public and letting a duck wear boots. Along with the inconvenience of not being able to buy booze in grocery stores, it's also inconvenient to be someone who happens to not believe in God.  According to Chapter 272 Section 36 of the General Laws of Massachusetts (which is a riveting read): 

"Whoever wilfully blasphemes the holy name of God by denying, cursing or contumeliously reproaching God, his creation, government or final judging of the world, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching or exposing to contempt and ridicule, the holy word of God contained in the holy scriptures shall be punished by imprisonment in jail for not more than one year or by a fine of not more than three hundred dollars, and may also be bound to good behavior."


Obviously, no lawmaker in Mass. would ever enforce this crazy law but it's never been proposed to be taken off the books either. Now keep in mind that Massachusetts is where the outbreak of priest molestations took place and that these offending priests were essentially let off the hook. So the line of logic goes:

Diddling a little boy = OK

Not believing in a completely unbelievable scenario that's never been intellectually proven in any way=ILLEGAL. Ahh, it makes perfect sense. 


It's ironic that Massachusetts is looked at as a liberal's paradise when we don't bother repealing nonsense laws that basically repudiate everything that the country was supposed to stand for. But I guess we were supposed to stand for freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion. Well, you always have the Czech Republic.

Some presidents were just never meant to last. Millard Filmore, I think he might have had something to do with reconstruction, John Tyler, who maybe discovered the cure for smallpox, James Buchanan, who the public didn't even know was president. Another member of this club, one of the only from the 20th century is Warren G.Harding, who I only know because I was going to use his surname for a fake ID in high school. Despite the short term street cred, Harding was actually pretty popular when he died in office in 1923 (not a year too soon considering the depression was on its way). That was, however, the Teapot Dome Scandal was exposed, proving a shocking and embarrassing moment for an American public that still believed that their ideals were held sacred by their elected leaders.
The scandal began when Harding seized some land in Wyoming and California by eminent domain, ceding control to the navy. The land was rich with oil. I'm sure you can guess where this is going if it involves oil.
Years later, the land in Wyoming was leased to Sinclair Oil while the land in Cali was leased to Edward Doheny, both without competitive bidding. After Harding was dead and gone, the Senate undertook an investigation into the transactions and found that the Secretary of the Interior, Albert Fall, took bribes from both Doheny and Sinclair Oil. The Fall guy was responsible for the leasing of the public land. He sold out land to (not even) the highest bidder.
Fall became the first US cabinet member to serve prison time and the public land again became 'public' in 1927. Harding's public reputation was ruined as he rolled in his grave. And of course, no one ever received a kickback in the US government again. And George Washington was an 8-foot, black woman.

Final thought: The next time anyone makes the claim that George W. Bush, Bill Clinton or Obama are the worst presidents in history, keep in mind that all three will probably, in the long run, be as unregarded as Warren G. Harding.

The Hills was a poorly made, god-awful "reality" show that aired on MTV beginning in 2006, and followed the lives of vain, self-absorbed and narcissistic wannabe actors and actresses. It mercifully ended its run on MTV last night, July 13th, and surprisingly, wealth, prosperity and good fortune returned to the human race. The Hills intially followed several characters from Laguna Beach - another MTV "reality" show that was rountinely scripted, story-boarded and was only real in the sense that the air breathed by the actors was real. The fact that MTV got away with calling it a reality was on par with the Devil fooling the world that it did not exist. Many terrible celebrities were featured on The Hills throughout its run, including Ryan Cabrera, but The Hills also helped create the non-celebrity celebrity phenomenon, where talentless ass clowns like Brody Jenner, Audrina Patridge, and Spencer & Heidi became famous for doing nothing noteworthy and for being toolbags. Despite their being attractive women featured on The Hills rountinely, the show was so horrible that any guy who watched more than 5 minutes of The Hills accidently had his head explode like this. The Hills was the inspiration for this section of Mindwafers as our own Angry Artie became so enraged that people in the world cared about the mundane bullshit of The Hills' cast rather than learn interesting news and facts about our wonderful planet. Even though The Hills has ended, we will continue to bring you "The I-Hope-The Entire-Cast-Of-The-Hills-Dies-A-Horrible-Death-Actual-Useful-Bit-Of-Knowledge-In-An-Otherwise-Barren-Post-Apocalyptic-Wasteland-Of-Mind-Numbing-Celebrity-And-Religious-Fanatic-Bullshit-Fun-Fact-Of-The-Day."

Do you want to know what the oldest thing in the entire universe was? You know, besides Joan Rivers' face? GRB 090423 was a gamma ray burst that occured on April 23rd and was detected by the cleverly titled Swift Gamma Ray Burst Mission satellite. After a few days of reviewing infrared sources and optical and ultraviolent afterglow field and a conducting a host of other tests that are so complex and hard to describe that it makes my brain actually say "Ow" - scientists were ready to delcare GRB 090423 the current record holder for the most distant known object of any kind. And since it took 13 BILLION YEARS for the light to been seen by any Earth-made viewing devices, it was also declared the oldest known object in the entire history of the universe. How about that. Oldest thing ever. I bet it still gets carded at TGI Fridays.

Crystal Pepsi, Sega Dreamcast, the Bing! search engine; history is littered with products that seemed like a sure thing to make a  splash but end up gathering dust in the basement. Nothing is inherently wrong with these products- I vaguely recall Crystal Pepsi being delicious- but the order of events combined with a fickle causes some things to fail for no discernible reason. Enter the Cult of Mithras, a secretive religion that exploded within the Roman Empire in the 1st four centuries. The religion was so popular that average Roman in those days was asking "Jesus who?" before continuing to worship a sacred rock.
     This said rock is where Mithras, the all powerful God, arose from. Mithras later spent his days slaying bulls and walking around with his wang hanging out. Little concrete information is known about the religion, since texts like the Bible haven't survived, either being destroyed or simply perished. Some archeological evidence have been unearthed around Rome that give the basic backbone of the religion and clues to how widely spread it was. 
      However popular Mithras was among the Roman people and the Roman senate's attempts to increase its visibility due to its opposition to Christianity, the cult was not meant to be. After four decades of good worship, Mithras was soon forgotten when Christianity spread throughout the world. Constantine's order that Christianity be the official religion of his empire was the final nail in the coffin. Mithras' followers congratulated themselves on a job well done and faded into the dust.
    Goes to show you that, had the conditions been a bit different, we'd be worshipping rocks instead of a bearded man.

Did you know the likeness of Uncle Sam, the guy in the top hat with the pointy finger telling you to do stuff for America, was actually based on a guy from Arlington, Massachusetts? Samuel Wilson is said to be the inspiration for Uncle Sam. Arlington - the same town in the Commonwealth that doesn't allow liquor stores or bars - is home to the most iconic face in US history. How much does that suck? Wilson's nickname of "Uncle Sam" came from his job as a meat-packer during the War of 1812. He would send crates of meat to soliders on the front lines with the "U.S." (for United States) stamped on the front, and the soliders joked it was from their Uncle Sam. I know, comedy was tough to come by in 1812. The nickname of Uncle Sam caught on for Wilson, as more and more supply crates were labeled "U.S.". So the likeness of Uncle Sam, who implores you to join the armed forces, wasn't even a solider - he was a meat packer! Well we are the most obese country in the world. On that note, enjoy the 4th of July!

Have you eve seen facebook or myspace profiles where the phrase: "Rabbit, Rabbit!" is posted? And have you ever thoughts, what in two fucks in this "rabbit, rabbit" thing? Rabbit, Rabbit  refers to "Rabbit, Rabbit, white rabbit", a British superstition that will bring good fortune or good luck if spoken on the first day of each month. The variations and orgins of the "rabbit, rabbit" are listed here, but most revolve around the common folklore that white rabbits are good luck and by saying "rabbit" or some variation of it will bring good fortune, as long as its said at the beginning of the month. So be sure to get all your rabbit, rabbits in at the first of the month along with your rent checks, or the British boogeyman will kill you.

Do you know who conducted the world's biggest gang bang? That lucky honor goes to Annabel Chong, a porn star who starred in World's Biggest Gang Bang.  Yes, wikipedia does porn. The attempt made by Chong was actually the subject of a student documentary that was submitted (Sex: The Annabel Chong Story) that won a few prizes at Sundance.  Chong and her team of Hollywood sleazeball types put out a casting call for 300 men in order to break the record held for most sexual partners, but incredibly only 70 men showed up to the casting call to be paid for sex with a porn star. The studio rotated the available dongs, but capped out a gang bang at 251 sexual acts - a world record. Hence, the name World's Biggest Gang Bang. Her parents must be so proud!