An Ohio man named Joseph McVey was picked up by police after they found a loaded gun and a car full of police surveillance equipment and a formula for fitting a scope for a rifle (although he didn't have possession of a rifle) right after Air Force One left the ground. Friends say that McVey is a ham radio, weather and police buff and likes to show off his toys. Sounds like a guy who loves a party. The most surprising part of this story is that he has friends at all.
    It doesn't sound like the guy is too much of a threat but because of all the rowdy, 'let's kill the president' talk of groups like the Oath Keepers, McVey was held with $100,000 bail and will face a trial to figure why the hell this guy had a police equipment superstore in his car within a mile of where the president was. One thing is for sure; his last name isn't helping his case. 


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Everytime an article is written about what to eat, it's always something that takes effort to abide by. So I was excited about this article, where it was suggested that drinking a slushie before exercising can be good for your endurance. Apparently, the ice cools down your body and can give an extra hour of stamina. 
   Normally, we're being advised to eat 3 pounds of acai berry or 32 ounces of pomegranite juice a day, but drinking a slush puppy before exercising is something that I can definitely get down with.
   Tomorrow, I'm hoping that they advise to eat a steak with french fries before bench pressing.


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 Welcome one, welcome all, to the Weak In Review. All sorts of kooky things went down this fine April week, let's review them shall we?

-Had your fill of earthquakes and tsumanis? How about a little volcanic ash to spice up that European getaway? Yes, ash spewing from Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull (may be a typo in there) has blanketed parts of the country, cancelling flights across Europe and stranding taut Scandavian folk in airports and hotels unable to get home. European officials are optimistic, though, that the volcanic ash may do some good - they may be able to stop Bjork once and for all.

The volcanic ash problem has spread all over Europe and even to the US, as grounded travelers have been forced to stay at overcrowded airport hotels and eat $12 McDonald's and $6 Cokes at terminal food courts. European travelers now truly learn the obesity battle us Americans deal with when your only food options are between Popeye's Chicken, Fuddruckers, or Pizza Regine. Complained weary traveler Jorjian Buerk, "I miss home and my usual 1500-calorie-a-day intake." 

And to top it all off, the Eyjafjallajokull volcano may not even be the worst active volcano in Iceland. Reports say the Solheimajokull glacier houses Katla, "the witch volcano"; experts say the current damage caused would be a "small rehearsal" to what Katla could do. Iceland officials are preparing to deal with the possibility of significant damage to their homeland, as well as changing their country name from "Iceland" to "Crazy Ass Volcano-Ridden Apocalypse Waitin' To Happen-Land."

Another great one from the Onion, detailing the ongoing feud between our two incompetent political parties. With a few sentences, they're able to point out the ridiculousness of our country's politics and how we view political races as two sports teams going at it (except we don't care as much)

Passage Of Health Care Reform Brings Democrat-Republican Score To 317,622-318,047 April 20, 2010 | ISSUE 46•16

WASHINGTON—With their legislative victory on health care last month, Democrats narrowed by one point the gap in their 150-year-long competition with Republicans, bringing the current score between the rival political parties to 317,622-318,047. "The Republicans had a really strong first half, racking up points with their opposition to slavery and extension of citizenship to Native Americans," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said at a press conference Monday. "We caught up in the '30s and '60s with the New Deal and civil rights, then they blew it wide open from 1980 on. But now we're back in striking distance. Just 400 more political points to go." Anonymous Republican sources told reporters they were planning to bounce back next week by naming another building after Ronald Reagan.

 Solar System (AP) - Across the world, Earth Day is being celebrated today as an unofficial holiday where countries across the world "go green" to inspire and raise awareness for environmental-friendly causes. But sources say Earth itself, the 4.5 billion year old planetary entity, is discouraged by this year's Earth Day holiday, mainly because it falls on a Thursday.

"I'm totally pissed that Earth Day was this Thursday," Planet Earth remarked with a scoff. "I have to work tomorrow at 6 in the morning, and I really wanted to go out and get trashed with my girlfriends to celebrate my day. I hate when your birthday falls during the week. It's so annoying to get everyone together on a weekday to meet up, with work and schedules. Last year my Earth Day was on a Wednesday and seriously, like 3 friends showed up at dinner at T.G.I.F Fridays because they had to work the next day. Plus our waitress burned the jalapeno poppers. I was sooo mad." 

Earth Day, while lauded in many nations across the planet for its eco-friendly messages and awareness raised in both academic and government events, has not always gone as planned for Earth itself. In 2005, Earth Day fell on a Friday night and Planet Earth rented out the entire 2nd floor of Pure Night Club in Las Vegas. P Diddy MC'ed the event and luminaries such as Al Gore, Dr. David Suzuki, and Ashton Kutcher attended. But perhaps what is most well known about that Earth Day celebration is that Planet Earth was photographed by paparazzi stumbling out of the casino, highly intoxicated and missing one shoe, as it was escorted from the club.  While some critics argue that it is good for Earth Day to fall on a weekday every now and then so the celebration can be more "low-key", Planet Earth resents that it cannot handle her annual Earth Day parties.

"It's totally bullshit that my parties get out of control. I get one day a year when its my day, when people stop polluting my air, drilling into my crust, and dumping toxins into my oceans.  I can't get drunk with my friends one night a year? Just one night?! Come on!!! Look at all the news and peoples facebooks today...this is my day."

No this isn't a Tim and Eric sketch. It's a segment from a Carly Fiorina political ad. Fiorina, a former CEO for HP, among others, is seeking the California house seat next November when she will face Barbara Boxer, a longtime liberal candidate. She's running as a fiscal conservative, although I'm unsure of what a man in a sheep suit has to do with saving money.
    As a sidenote, while head of HP, Fiorina oversaw the sacking of 330,000 employees as part of a downsizing binge. I have to admit, it's a hell of a way to be fiscally conservative. While the layoffs were being instituted, Fiorina was able to pocket a hefty salary of $1.4 million. Apparently it pays to downsize.
   Now what went through her mind to OK this ad, I have no idea. To call a creepy dude crawling around a prairie in a sheep-suit misguided is like calling Hitler mean. Attack ads are bad enough already; but do we really need bad CGI to hit home on what really is no message at all? Maybe she was going for intentionally bad, in which case I'll give it to the guys who created this ad. Perhaps they're hidden geniuses after all.


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