The wait is over! Tomorrow begins first round voting on the March Fatness tournament - the competition where we put all your favorite brand name foods head to head in order to find out who truly rules them all. Each day Monday through Friday polls will be posted here on the Home page, and also linked to on the official March Fatness page. Become our friend on Facebook or follow us on Twitter to get immediate alerts when new polls have been added.
Here is the schedule of when you should expect to see the polls go up for all first round competitions. Polls will remain open until noon EST on Friday, March 11. In the afternoon of 3/11, 2nd round matchups will be posted, and voting on those matchups will begin Monday, March 14.  1st Round polls will be posted on:
March 1, 2011
1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
March 2, 2011
2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
 1st Round polls will be posted on:
March 3, 2011
1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
March 4, 2011
2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
 1st Round polls will be posted on:
March 7, 2011
1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
March 8, 2011
2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
 1st Round polls will be posted on:
March 9, 2011
1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
March 10, 2011
2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
So there you have it! I know, I know - we blew it! Let us know who we missed, what's ranked too high, what's ranked too low, or just why you hate us in general. It's OK, we're big boys (mostly due to eating the above 64 foods for 30 years), we can take it.
Otherwise we'll see you tomorrow!
By Reece (email Reece)
Welcome to Oscar night - Mindwafers style! Last year the Mindwafers' crew documented Oscar night - the glitz, the glam, the musical numbers and the cleavage onto The Hurt Locker's upset win on Hollywood's biggest night. And since it was so much fun last year making fun of the hoopla, we decided what the hell, let's do it again. So we kept a running diary of all the raziness - every winner, every loser, every dress, and every awkward moment. We do love those awkward moments here at the 'Wafe. And with that, on with the show!
February 28 is the 59th day of 2011. There are 306 days until 2012.
Today in Obscure History: 1939, the non-word "dord" is discovered in Webster's Dictionary. After an investigation it was discovered that the error occurred when someone misread a note which read "D or d" and thought it was an actual word. Since then we've added gaydar, mini-me, cyberslacking, Frankenfood, bouncebackability, meatspace, ginormous, and crunk. Might as well throw dord back in at this point.
Today’s Birthday: 1955, Gilbert Gottfried, American comedian. Unfortunately most people in our generation know Gilbert best from being the parrot in Alladin, but anyone who has ever seen his stand-up knows he's hilarious on top of having that ridiculous voice. Throw on a pair of headphones and try to make it all the way through this without laughing
Today’s Death: 1525, Cuauhtemoc, Aztec ruler. Died at the hands of Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortes when he believed Cuauhtemoc was planning his murder. Before hanging the native leader, Cortes tortured him demanding that he reveal the location of the Aztec gold, which turned out to be a myth. Example 423 of 83 trillion reasons why everyone else hates white people.
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1940, Mario Andretti, Italian-American race car driver. He's retired now, but this dude drove a go-kart 200 mph for about 40 years. The staff here assumed he died in a fiery wreck back in the 90's but much to our surprise the "Driver of the Century" and Hall of Famer is still kicking. Andretti is still the most famous non-"Go Daddy girl" in open-wheel racing years after his final race.
Today’s Crazy News Story: UK company sells human breast milk ice cream
Fun Fact of the Day: At the height of its power (400 BC) the Greek city-state of Sparta had 500,000 slaves and only 25,000 citizens.
Poll of the Day:
 Entertainment or inner thought? By Harvey Dent (email Harvey)
The hate I have in my heart from the applications on Facebook can’t truly be expressed through words. It seems as if everyday I’m getting an invitation to join some game or group: Scrabble, Mafia Wars, Vampire Blood Suckers, Little Boy Toucher, and the many other thousands out there. The number one hated application of yours truly, as I’m sure you can guess, is Farmville.
By Seagull (e-mail Seagull)
This is an honest question. In fact, I’m not even writing this blog as a sneaky way to make fun of her, at least not entirely…I first asked this question when I saw her come on stage in a giant egg at the Grammy’s, and then again when I saw her dressed as a giant condom on Good Morning America. Everywhere she goes she’s dressed like its Halloween, each appearance more bizarre than the next. And for whatever reason people go ape shit for anything and everything she does, like she’s some sort of freak show savant. You would have thought she landed on the moon the way people were talking about that stupid egg entrance, as if it were some culturally significant moment. I keep hearing that her entire life is staged and that everything she does is done with a purpose to make people think. Blah, blah, blah. Really? Has anybody even considered the fact that maybe she’s just a fucking weirdo?
 The newly free celebrate by performing 'YMCA' on the streets for the first time By Bobby James (Email BJ)I was originally going to use Bahrain in the title of this article but they've already gone out of style after three days like Lou Bega's career. It's looking as though everyday there's a new member of the "What Middle Eastern Country Is Going to Collapse?" game, so many that it's difficult to keep up. The best part about the whole thing is Americans are now hearing about countries that they didn't even know existed, much less knew that their own government has been supporting human rights violations there. Who knew? But the question isn't where these countries are or what types of people live there; the more important question is, how can I gamble on this and who should I put my money on? (I guess that's 2 questions) Here, for your enjoyment and, to a lesser extent, education, is a guide to the collapse of the Middle East!
 We aren't happy either, Perk. By Doza (email Doza)
Remember the day we traded Nomar? We all remember where we were. You were enjoying the late July summer air, reciting Dave Chappelle jokes every hour. Only 1 or 2 of your friends had this random yellow rubberband on their wrist that had the words Live Strong on it. We all ran inside to watch ESPN, since our Nextels had slow internet connections -- and besides, everyone’s Nextels were sounding the same anyway: (beep-beep) “What the fuck, we traded Nomar, dude?!?”
Your favorite time of the year is back - March Fatness! This year we're putting your favorite restaurants and brands head to head to see who will claim the ultimate prize of advancing to the showcase of the Flabby 4! Here is what your schedule for the first round will look like:
3/1 - Fast Food 1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
3/2 - Fast Food 2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
3/3 - Pizza 1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
3/4 - Pizza 2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
3/7 - Snacks 1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
3/8 - Snacks 2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
3/9 - Chains 1-16, 4-13, 5-12, 8-9
3/10 - Chains 2-15, 3-14, 6-11, 7-10
3/11 - All First Round voting closes at noon. Winners posted in the afternoon.
Now presenting the first bracket you'll be voting on: the Aorta Deep Throat AKA Fast Food Region!
 Meat Master Mike comes through bigtime By Mike (e-mail Mike)Last week you may have read the article I wrote profiling a strange little snack called Perky Jerky. At the end of the piece I mentioned how I would love to give their product a try. Well, much to my surprise, within a few hours I had an e-mail in my inbox from Mike Moorland of Perky Jerky offering to send out some samples. Yesterday the doorman alerted me that my package had arrived (a somewhat awkward conversation), and my boy Meat Master Mike hooked it up big time. Here is my review:
February 25 is the 56th day of 2011. There are 309 days until 2012.
Today in Obscure History: 1919, Oregon places a 1 cent per gallon tax on gasoline, becoming the first U.S. state to levy a gasoline tax. As of 2009, the mean state gasoline tax was 27.2 cents per US gallon, plus 18.4 cents per US gallon federal tax making the total 45.6 cents per US gallon. That's going to seem like a bargain when you're paying $5/gallon this summer.
Today’s Birthday: 1982, Jamie Lynn, American Porn Star. Jamie got into the industry in 2003 when, according to the Wikipedia page her manager wrote, the company she was working for went bankrupt. By January 2005 she was Penthouse Pet of the month and actually won Penthouse Pet of the Year in 2006. She then went on to be named High Times magazine first ever "Ganja Goddess". Porn and weed? Safe to say we're big fans of Ms. Lynn here at the Wafe. Happy Birthday, our queen.
Today’s Death: 1983, Tennessee Williams, American playwright. Winner or the Pulitzer Prize for his classics A Street Car Named Desire and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, many considered him a genius. Williams died choking on a bottle cap while trying to give himself a few eye drops. So I guess the whole genius thing is debatable.
Today’s Birthday of Someone You Thought Was Already Dead: 1949, "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, professional wrestler. If Hulk Hogan is the Michael Jordan of professional wrestling, then Ric Flair would be Scottie Pippen. At 62, Flair has exceeded the average lifespan of a professional wrestler by 27 years, making him a marvel of modern medical science. Woooooooooooooo
Today’s Crazy News Story: Brazil woman finds gator behind couch after flood
Fun Fact of the Day: The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
Poll of the Day:
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