With two wars currently under our belt and a possible third on the horizon in Pakistan, the Obama administration is stuck with another quandary: What to do with Iran. The most influential power in the Middle East has pestered us for years with threats of building a nuclear facility which they insist will be used for energy purposes only but, based on past history, might otherwise be designed to develop nuclear weapons for the purpose of blowing up Israel, or even the US, into another century. We’ve had static since 1979, when an Islamic revolution toppled the Shah and replaced him with a theocracy that’s refused to see things our way.

Bobby James and Rod Pilf sat down for what we hoped to be a civilized discussion about the subject. However, as you’ll see, it did not end as peacefully as we planned.

Rod Pilf: To start off with a  bit of background, last month it was discovered that Iran secretly harbored a second nuclear facility in the city of Qom. This comes in the midst of Iran supposedly “coming clean” on its nuclear ambitions. With this revelation, it’s clear that Iran can’t be trusted and certainly doesn’t deserve the ‘friendly talks’ that Oblahma has promised. Friendly talks are a nice way of saying we’re negotiating with terrorists, which, as you know, we don’t do.

Diplomacy is simply not an option at this point. You can’t make deals with an unreasonable and maniacal dictatorship. Rather than waste our time trying to appease these lunatics, we need to force sanctions on Iran or, if Iran becomes more belligerant, consider attacks on the country in order for them to halt construction of the nuclear facilities.

Welcome back loyal MinDreaders. Before I get to your Weak in Review, let me give you a little insight into my new philosophy. I was so inspired by President Obama's urging of community service that I figured I would get into the service game. While picking up trash on the side of the highway, I looked at the cars passing by and thought, 'gosh, this feels good helping out all these nice people.' Of course my community service was court mandated, but it makes it no less admirable. If you're looking to do good for others, it helps to rob a liquor store and be caught. That way, you will be forced to help others, just like Obama would want.
Okay, let's get to the Weak!



Former President George H.W.Bush hosted a conference featuring Barack Obama, where the two men espoused the value of community service, exhibiting a rare crossing of the line between the two political parties. Bush's son, George W. Bush, didn't attend the event, as he refused to put on his shoes when his father was leaving. With his dad gone, W proceeded to spend the day playing XBox, ordering pizza and neglecting to change out of his sweatpants. When pressed on the subject of public service by his father, W threw his XBox controller on the floor and whined that he'd do it tomorrow.

By Rod Pilf

Like many others around the country, I was shocked to hear the announcment that Barack Obama Hussein Obama, the first socialist president of the US, received the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, beating out more worthy opponents like Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs and Rep. Joe Wilson.


The decision comes as a stunner not only because Obama doesn't deserve the prize but because he deserves a punishment for his doings, perhaps a spanking from each member of Congress. To reward this irresponsible man with a prize is akin to giving Adolf Hitler a UN Humanitarian Award or naming Pol Pot "Friendliest" in his yearbook superlatives. 

Welcome back Mindwaferists to another edition of your Weak In Review. After recovering from my bout of swine flu last weak, I decided that I needed a vacation, preferably somewhere not swarming with disease. So I packed my bags and headed to China in order to investigate the Asian Tiger myself. As we've heard, China has come a long way since its Chairman Mao-killing-babies days. It's actually an extremely modern country, with all of the comforts we have back in the good ole US. When in a Chinese internet cafe, I Googled Human rights to see what would happen. I'm happy to report that the detention camp I was thrown into was actually quite clean, contrary to popular belief. And the garbage bag of gruel I was given each day was delicious.
      Here's what I heard while sweating away in a dark, lonely cell:

In a poll conducted by the United Nations Development Programme, the US dropped to 13th in The Best Places to Live, falling behind such peaceful nations as number one Norway, Sweden, France and Australia. However, the US still maintains the number one Place to Get Into a Fistfight at a Healthcare Town Hall so let's not put our heads down yet. Another interesting point in this poll is that Afghanistan is only second to last, with Niger securing the bottom spot. With Afghanistan at constant war and splitting its leadership between warlords and the Taliban, it begs the question: What the fuck is going on in Niger?

Everyday I engage in a daily search for the truth-  where I scour the internet looking for the enlightened views of the few. My boss, Henry Terlwiger of Terlwiger and Associates, says that my search interferes with my "work." The truth is that I've seen Terlwiger brandishing an Obama button so I know that he just wants to derail my efforts in feeding the masses. Socialists will do that. 


Anyway, along my truth-search, I came across an article about Democratic Rep.Alan Grayson,  a smart aleck from Florida, where Jeb Bush is the only redeeming factor. This guy made a remark about the Republican's plan for health care reform, which was for Americans not to get sick.

While Grayson was trying to be funny (the next Henny Youngman for sure) and, as a democrat, he's my sworn enemy, I think he actually makes a good point with the hypothetical Republican plan.

This whole health care mess could easily be avoided if we could simply stop being sick. If no one is sick, no one needs healthcare. Easy, right?

It's been proven (by someone I'm sure) that bellyaching causes stress, which in turn causes physical sickness. Everyone knows that no one bellyaches quite like a democrat; "They're taking away my welfare," "I have no privacy," "These wars are bankrupting us." Boohoo, keep crying you baby, then get sick.

Take a survey of any emergency room across the US and it's more than likely to be filled with these vengeful dems, bent on bankrupting our healthcare system so they can install their own socialist via Stalin health system. This must be stopped!

Welcome back folks. Let me get right to it and apologize for my nemesis Rod Pilf posting that conservative filth. I was told I would be replaced by someone qualified, not a pill-popping, prostitute-sniffing demagogue. But it's okay, just like all the rest of them, Pilf is headed for his own Larry Craig-like sex scandal. I'll be waiting with the polaroids.
      The only bit of truth Pilf did tell you was that I indeed did catch the infamous swine flu. Have you ever shot liquid out of four holes at once? It's actually not as bad as it sounds. Really, it's quite cleansing. Speaking of diarhea, let's take a look at our world:
     Just like the kid with the stutter who develops a bad case of acne, things have gotten worse for Afghanistan, the black sheep of the already dysfunctional Middle East family. Apparently, they won't have a leader until Spring because of widespread voter fraud during their recent "free" elections and the need for a run-off vote. Alas, Afghans wondered, who will look the other way when Osama comes through on a pogo stick or grease the palms of heroin smugglers? And who will sell the soul of our country for the rights to an oil pipeline? What shall we do?