News broke earlier this week that the largest fossilized spider specimen was found within volcanic ash in a remote area of China, prompting me and millions of other pussies terrified of spiders to shit their pants and run into the bathroom to lock the door. Check out the size of this bastard – sure it was 165 million years ago but the thing was the size of a Buick for crying out loud. The Nephila jurrassic, also known as a golden orb weaver, was said to be big enough to catch birds and bats. And just like every bar in Faneuil Hall, the females vastly outweigh the males; female golden orb weavers are said to reach sizes of 1.5 to 2 inches in length, while males are said to be 2/3rd smaller in most cases. Fuckin’ chicks. Now while they doesn’t seem very large you have to remember – for a spider, that’s friggin enormous! What’s the biggest spider you ever saw, really? Size of a penny perhaps? A penny is 0.75 in length and 0.0625 in thickness. Now take two pennies, stick eight creepy legs on it, a pair of fangs dripping with venom, four pairs of eyes and the desire to spin a massive web and eat everything in its path…and well, I’ll be in the bathroom again standing on the toilet until it’s safe to come out again. The golden orb weaver – truly one of the unsung heroes of the animal kingdom. Keep it away from me.
 Ahhh! What did I just say!!!
By Reece (email Reece)
Link: Germany has offered to send remote-controlled robots to help clean up and repair damage at Japan's Fukushima nuclear reactors
Is anyone else terrified of this development? Germany and Japan teaming up again like the old days and this time they have nuclear-resistant robot warriors? Look at the mug on that robot. When did Germany start building mini-Voltrons? No good can come of this at all. Well, some good – namely stopping the spread of poisoning radiation among the Japanese. But other than that – no good. No good at all.
By Mike (e-mail Mike)
A huge part of what motivates me to be a part of this website is all the times I come across an earth-shattering piece of news that for whatever reason, never seems to hit the mainstream. I never understood why I could be caught in a continuous 24/7 assault of news on all the strippers Tiger Woods stuck his driver into, but stuff like “life can exist on Earth without the sun” gets buried in a Planet Earth episode on the Discovery Channel. I mean, I know words like “crabs” and “tubeworm” are a little more exciting when describing the affairs of a man who whacks a tiny ball for a living, but count me among the ones who would rather have their day interrupted to inform them that every science book in the world is wrong when it says all life on earth derives it’s energy from the sun
So in that vein, I would like to start bringing to your attention things that I feel should replace “the new cast of Dancing with the Stars” as the top news story of the day, in a series I’d like to call, “Why Isn’t This A Bigger Deal?”. First up – did you know we have the ability to print new organs?
By Reece (email Reece)
Here’s a shocker – I fuckin hate snowboarding. Actually, that’s not true. I love the concept of snowboarding. I like the gear and I like the look of the snowboarder. I am not someone that thinks they look good in any circumstances but, for some reason, I feel like when I throw on bulky windbreakers, the heavy snow pants, the wool cap, sport some mountain beard, wear some shades, and throw a board across my back, I look fuckin boss. I feel like I grew up near a ski resort or in the mountains and actually learned snowboarding at a young age, I would have been pulling ski bunnies since age 7. 97% of life I look like Danny Devito’s bearded cousin – but any time in snowboard gear, I look like a mountain Peeee-yamp.
 Got room for one more? By Mike (e-mail Mike)
Quick - what's the biggest planet in the solar system? If you said Jupiter, you would be correct...for now. I say for now because according to scientists, there is solid evidence that a planet 4 times the size of Jupiter has been orbiting a little star we like to call the Sun. And according to astrophysicists John Matese and Daniel Whitmire, this theory will be scientific fact within 2 years. So without further adieu, allow me to introduce you to the real 9th planet (suck it Pluto), Tyche
 2045: The day the Matrix goes from Sci-Fi to History By Miike (e-mail Mike)
After waiting in anticipation for months, the world finally had their chance to see Watson in action Monday night. If you’re out of the loop on this one, Watson is the name of the supercomputer designed by IBM which claimed to be able to compete against the 2 greatest Jeopardy champions of all time. Watson’s debut is something I’ve been personally looking forward to as the next step in the computer’s eventual domination of the world as we know it. As I watched Watson rattle off answer after answer, I wondered just how long it will be before our ultimate demise. Lucky for me I don’t have to wonder any more, because a man named Raymond Kurzweil has already figured that out. 2045: The end of human civilization as we know it. Save the Date!
 E.T. phone home with a probe up your ass By Harvey Dent (email Harvey)A little while ago I was talking to someone about the movie The 4th Kind, its creepy plot, and the fact that it was based on true events. The discussion generated some brain activity that drove me to do some more research on aliens and learn from the experts.
 Read this article to find out why you should seal this box and burn it By Mike
Editors Note: Mindwafers strongly recommends not mixing this article with illicit drugs
I've had a fascination with parasites for some time now, because after hearing so much about how clever they seem to be, and how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things, I can't help but wonder if we might be parasites ourselves. A parasite (or us) lives on the surface or inside the host organism (the Earth). They show a high degree of specialization (most of us have a job) and reproduce often (UN predicts world population of 9 billion by 2050). Many parasites harm the host organism (global warming/mining of resources/polluting the oceans) without knowing it, or if they do know, just don't care (like us).
But we're here today to talk about a different parasite - Toxoplasma gondii, the amazing cat parasite. Let's just call him T-Gon since people tend to run away screaming when they see scientific names. Trust me though, this is going to be one time you'll be glad you gave science a chance.
 Welcome to the future By Mike
If you thought evil robots enslaving the human race was the bleakest picture of the future - think again. From the people who brought us things like wooden shoes and giant mini-golf obstacles, now comes trying to replace your bacon wrapped filet with terriyaki cockroach skewers. Dutch scientists are in the midst of doing groundbreaking research into insects replacing animal meat as a healthier, more environmentally friendly source of protein as we speak.
At a recent conference in the Netherlands, 200 human guinea pigs sampled delacicies such as Thai marinated grasshopper spring rolls, buffalo worm chocolate gnache, and a seemingly innocent pastry "just like a quiche lorraine, but with meal worms instead of bacon or ham", according to chef Henk van Gurp. Yeah - Im sure it was, just like a veggie burger made out of corn and shaved carrots tastes like 100% Angus beef.
Sounds like a pretty terrible idea right? Until you find out that Insects are abundant, produce less greenhouse gas and manure, and do not transfer any diseases when eaten that can mutate into a dangerous human form. Bugs are not only high in protein, but low in fat and cost far less to cultivate. 10 pounds of feed yields 1 pound of beef when raising cattle, compared to the 6-8 pounts of insect meat we could produce from the same 10 pounds of feed. Not sounding like such a terrible idea anymore, does it?
By Mike
While you were watching Snooki fall face first into a pole, Japanese scientists at the University of Kyoto were busy announcing to the world their plans to clone a woolly mammoth. Yes, that woolly mammoth, the one that's been extinct for 10,000 years. I know, I know, it's just not the same without "The Situation" recapping what you just saw 2 seconds ago from a camera inside a closet, but stick around, you might learn something.
Jurassic Park captured our imaginations in the early 90's, and many of us dreamed of a day when we might have the opportunity to see with our own eyes a real-life monster that once ruled this planet. Unfortunately for now, our technology limits us from being able to clone a dinosaur because at this time we need tissue samples to be able to extract the cell nucleus. Well, as luck would have it, a bunch of these hairy, elephant-like creatures died in places like Siberia, where their bodies would remain preserved in ice and permafrost.
Scientists plan to extract these cell nuclei (always wanted to use that word in a sentence) and insert them into an elephant's egg cell, thus creating a mammoth embryo. The embryo will then be inserted into the uterus of an elephant, in hopes that it will give birth to the first mammoth on earth in 10,000 years. Seriously.
This got me to thinking that one day I could be with my children at a zoo, trying to explain to them that this animal they are throwing peanuts at didn't exist when daddy was your age, and them thinking who cares I wish I was at home playing my awesome futuristic video games.
Well fuck my unborn children, I think this is AWESOME! How could you not? And with our first new mammoth coming in 5-6 years, it can only be a matter of time before they start bringing back other incredible beasts of the past. So what other possibilities are out there? What animals would I bring back if I were a mad scientist capable of such things? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here is my short list....
|
RSS Feed
