Columbus Day became an official holiday in 1971 when 'Rape and Pillage Day' could no longer fit on desk calendars
By Mike
What a day it is today! The day we celebrate the heroic journey that paved the way for the beautiful country we live in today. USA USA USA! Many of you are disappointed to be reading this at work today, wondering why your slave driver of a boss would make you come in when you should be at home hanging up your construction paper Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria's you made in grade school. I wonder if these teachers who continued to drill into our heads the importance of this day even know the real story? I'd say probably not. For anyone who cares, here it is....
What a day it is today! The day we celebrate the heroic journey that paved the way for the beautiful country we live in today. USA USA USA! Many of you are disappointed to be reading this at work today, wondering why your slave driver of a boss would make you come in when you should be at home hanging up your construction paper Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria's you made in grade school. I wonder if these teachers who continued to drill into our heads the importance of this day even know the real story? I'd say probably not. For anyone who cares, here it is....
In 1492, Italian Christopher Columbus was contracted by the King and Queen of Spain to find a Western route to India. The deal was that Spain paid for the operation, and he got to keep 10% of all the gold and delicious curry they could load onto the boat after murdering anyone that stood in their way. And off he went with 90 other guys with nothing better to do.
In October of 1492, Columbus landed in India. Well, atleast that's where he thought he was. He actually landed in what today is the Bahamas, just missing his intended mark by a mere 8,362 miles. Oh, so close. It would have been easy to admit defeat at that point, but since Columbus already had his heart set on the whole "Indians" thing he just decided to roll with it and call the Native Americans that anyway. 500+ years later there is still a Major League Baseball team named the Cleveland Indians, and Native Americans have given up so much on this that American Indian has become a politically correct term. Ah, what the hell, they're all brown anyway so what's the difference, right?
Hey well at least when he got to America and found the natives, Columbus took them under his wing and shared the Europeans technology with them and allowed them to continue their way of life unharmed. Oh wait, that's the elementary school text book version. What really happened was Chris and his buddies got shitfaced and raped the hottest women they could find and killed anyone who had a problem with it. He even kept a few as souviners to show to everyone back home
On October 12, 1492 (the first day he encountered the native people of the Americas), Columbus wrote in his journal: "They should be good servants .... I, our Lord being pleased, will take hence, at the time of my departure, six natives for your Highnesses." These captives were later paraded through the streets of Barcelona and Seville when Columbus returned to Spain. I'm sure they loved the attention.
During Columbus' subsequent voyages, he now had some orders to bring back some of them hardworking brown people to be sold off as slaves. During the process he killed at least 10,000 Native Americans by the most conservative estimates, and through the disease and secondary effects it probably heads towards a million. Now we're talking Hitler territory - wait, when do we get the day off for him again?
Yeah but what else were they supposed to do when these savages were spearing them to death with their stone tipped arrows? These guys were in a fight for their lives from day one. Wellllll, not exactly. From Columbus' journal, April of 1493:
"they are artless and generous with what they have, to such a degree as no one would believe but him who had seen it. Of anything they have, if it be asked for, they never say no, but do rather invite the person to accept it, and show as much lovingness as though they would give their hearts."
What a bunch of dicks! Glad we got those guys out of the way.
So as you make angry Facebook posts today about how you have no day off, think about what it is that we are supposed to be celebrating, and maybe that will make this Monday's pill a little easier to swallow. When it comes to celebrating the anniversary of murdering native people, Thanksgiving is more than enough holiday for me.
In October of 1492, Columbus landed in India. Well, atleast that's where he thought he was. He actually landed in what today is the Bahamas, just missing his intended mark by a mere 8,362 miles. Oh, so close. It would have been easy to admit defeat at that point, but since Columbus already had his heart set on the whole "Indians" thing he just decided to roll with it and call the Native Americans that anyway. 500+ years later there is still a Major League Baseball team named the Cleveland Indians, and Native Americans have given up so much on this that American Indian has become a politically correct term. Ah, what the hell, they're all brown anyway so what's the difference, right?
Hey well at least when he got to America and found the natives, Columbus took them under his wing and shared the Europeans technology with them and allowed them to continue their way of life unharmed. Oh wait, that's the elementary school text book version. What really happened was Chris and his buddies got shitfaced and raped the hottest women they could find and killed anyone who had a problem with it. He even kept a few as souviners to show to everyone back home
On October 12, 1492 (the first day he encountered the native people of the Americas), Columbus wrote in his journal: "They should be good servants .... I, our Lord being pleased, will take hence, at the time of my departure, six natives for your Highnesses." These captives were later paraded through the streets of Barcelona and Seville when Columbus returned to Spain. I'm sure they loved the attention.
During Columbus' subsequent voyages, he now had some orders to bring back some of them hardworking brown people to be sold off as slaves. During the process he killed at least 10,000 Native Americans by the most conservative estimates, and through the disease and secondary effects it probably heads towards a million. Now we're talking Hitler territory - wait, when do we get the day off for him again?
Yeah but what else were they supposed to do when these savages were spearing them to death with their stone tipped arrows? These guys were in a fight for their lives from day one. Wellllll, not exactly. From Columbus' journal, April of 1493:
"they are artless and generous with what they have, to such a degree as no one would believe but him who had seen it. Of anything they have, if it be asked for, they never say no, but do rather invite the person to accept it, and show as much lovingness as though they would give their hearts."
What a bunch of dicks! Glad we got those guys out of the way.
So as you make angry Facebook posts today about how you have no day off, think about what it is that we are supposed to be celebrating, and maybe that will make this Monday's pill a little easier to swallow. When it comes to celebrating the anniversary of murdering native people, Thanksgiving is more than enough holiday for me.
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